Members of the Glenwood Association are expressing concern that a house in their neighborhood is being rented out to people who can’t afford to buy a house there.
“This is very unsettling,” said Glenwood resident Ron Cokun, “You should see some of the cars these renters are driving. Not one Mercedes or BMW – and some of the cars are over three years old!”
Peeking out her window as a car pulled into the driveway of the house in question, neighborhood resident Paula McMorris said, “You can tell by just looking at their hands that these people do manual labor for a living. My parents didn’t give me every advantage in life so I could live in a neighborhood with people like that!”
Board member Tom C. Baldt agreed, “There are other parts of the city where these renters would feel more comfortable, being around their own kind. Why can’t they go there?”
The Glenwood Association plans a meeting next week to address the issue. “We’re thinking of building a wall,” said Baldt. “I can’t risk having my children encounter regular people while they’re playing in the yard.” Baldt then grabbed his camera to photograph a man ringing the doorbell at his next-door neighbor’s house. “I think it’s just my neighbor’s brother, but you can never be too careful.”
Erie Regional Chamber and Growth Partnership, reeling after county council axed their proposal to make Erie County a right to work area, is now offering what they say is an even better way to attract more businesses to the Erie community. “This is our best idea yet!” said Jake Rouch, vice president of the Chamber. “We are asking for a repeal of Erie County’s outdated child labor laws.”
Officials at the Zabawa Polish festival are frantically searching for the kishka, which was presumed stolen earlier today. The missing link was described as “round and firm” as well as “fully packed.” It was last seen hanging on the rack.
Millcreek Community Hospital has announced the grand opening of their new Leeching and Bloodletting Department. This new wing will be located within the current facility on Peach Street. Hospital spokesman Ross Sewitch says “We here at Millcreek Community realized the need to expand patient care in order to become more competitive with Erie’s two legitimate hospitals.” Sewitch went on to say that the leeches will be locally sourced directly from Mill Creek which runs just outside the facility and that the bloodletting equipment will be sterilized “every so often.” When asked what conditions will be treated by the new department, Sewitch answered “Oh you name it; cholera, consumption, rickets, dropsy.” Sewitch went to say that, “No other healthcare facility in this area has this kind of service. Does Hamot have the right equipment to cure scurvy? Can St. Vincent’s stop bubonic plague in its tracks? I don’t think so.”
The Pennsylvania Game Commission has announced that they will assist in relocating the coyotes from the Erie Cemetery, according to Game Commission spokesman Hunter Gunn. 
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