PA Game Commission Seeks To Relocate Cemetery Coyotes To “Peaceful Farm In The Country”

The Pennsylvania Game Commission has announced that they will assist in relocating the coyotes from the Erie Cemetery, according to Game Commission spokesman Hunter Gunn.

Gunn says the move will happen at night, and they plan on setting off a few celebratory firecrackers, “Which we certainly don’t want people to mistake for gunfire.” When asked how many firecrackers would go off, Gunn replied, “four or five. We’re not sure yet.”

 “Once the coyotes are…um…gathered, they’ll be taken to a beautiful farm, somewhere in the country, where they can run through green meadows and play all day, under an ever-shining sun.” said Gunn, wiping sweat from his brow. When asked where the farm was located, Gunn answered his non-ringing phone, bowed his head saying “I need to answer this,” and walked back into his office.