Community members and Blasco Library supporters have been disappointed in a recent vote to allow Gannon University to lease library space for an aquatic research center. 

Gooferie investigative journalists have discovered hidden documents that seem to indicate that The Roman Catholic Diocese of Erie is behind this project. This endeavor, known as Project NePTWNE, is purported to be an aquatic research station/aquarium. We here at Gooferie have discovered this to be false. Papers from the office of Bishop Lawrence Persico have revealed that the project will actually be a cod and pollock breeding facility. This proposed hatchery will provide fish for Lenten fish fries. 

Nobody from the Diocese was willing to speak on the record but a minion from Bishop Persico’s office talked to us under condition of anonymity. “The fish fries are getting expensive.” the informant told us. “His Grace thought this would be a great way to save money.”

When asked about public outrage at this decision the minion responded, “Since when has the Diocese ever cared about community input?”

Library supporters are concerned about cuts to popular programs. It’s thought that the Children’s Library may be on the chopping block. County Executive Brenton Davis is apparently unconcerned with this possibility. He was overheard saying “I’ve never read a book in my life and look what I’ve accomplished!” 

One lucky Erieite is waking up four dollars richer today, as it was announced that a winning ticket to the Powerball drawing on October 11th was sold at the Country Fair at 3826 Peach Street. “We’re so excited that we sold a winning ticket,” said store manager Mitski Laycock. She added the store will be reviewing video of when the ticket was sold, in hopes of identifying the winner. “I hope it’s Fred,” stated Laycock. “He spends forty dollars a week here on lottery tickets; if anyone deserves it, he does.” 

Other lottery players were not as enthused. “I guess I’m happy for the winner,” said lottery player Brian D’Addario as he brushed a mountain of scratch-off dust from his hands, “but I am a little jealous. That four dollars would be a big help to me.”

The lucky player’s Identity might not be known for a while, as winners have one year from the drawing date to claim prizes. The holder of the winning ticket should sign the back of the ticket and contact the nearest Lottery office.

For selling the winning ticket, the Country Fair store will receive absolutely nothing.

An Erie man is appealing to City Council in an effort to overturn the longstanding city ordinance which prohibits the keeping of non – human primates within city limits. 

“It’s just not fair.” says Clarence Scimm, local organ grinder and part time banana vendor. “For the past few years I have had to walk around playing my music and with a toy monkey. It’s bad for business. People want to see a real monkey!”

Mr. Scimm went on to express his disappointment with the current administration. “Now Mayor Tullio, Lou, he would have just let me have my monkey, no problem. These new youngsters, they don’t seem to like monkeys. It’s a shame.”

“I really thought City Council would hear me out.” Scimm continued. “I had the prime citizen’s speaker spot; right after Freda Tepfer and just before Lou Aliota. I guess maybe I shouldn’t have used four of my five allotted minutes on that barrel organ solo.”

Not all residents are convinced that urban monkey keeping is a good idea. One citizen who attended the meeting spoke in opposition to the proposal. “I get it that monkeys are cute and funny.” said westside resident Judith Horvath. “But I’m concerned about the poo throwing. I don’t want to be relaxing in my yard and then suddenly get hit with a face full of flung feces.”

Gooferie was unable to speak to anyone from City Council but will be following up on this story as the proposed ordinance change goes forward.