Lard Emporium to Open In Erie Promising Extended Hours, Waistlines

Millcreek Mall management has announced the grand opening of a new store just in time for holiday shopping. Lard Emporium has opened in the space that housed the former Sears, which closed last year.

Gooferie spoke to Murray Benklinsky, CEO of Lard Emporium, Inc. “We did our market research, and it shows that Erie, Pennsylvania is definitely a lard eating town!”

As to what sort of items will be sold at the new shop, Benklinsky was effusive in describing the products that will be available. “You want lard? We got lard!” he told us. “The entire store is filled to the brim with lard! We got top shelf imported lard, the kind you used to have to drive to Buffalo to get.  We also got budget lard by the bucketful! Not to mention candied lard for the kiddos, which would make a great stocking stuffer. Deep fried lard, flavored lard, frozen lard, kosher lard, grass-fed lard, free range lard. You name it, we got it!”

Benklinsky went on to say that the grand opening will feature events such as a lard eating contest, a display of lard sculptures and a raffle for a chance at winning a 25 gallon bucket of organic lard. “We’re encouraging everyone to show local this season, and not buy their lard at one of those big box lard stores,” added Benklinsky. For the holiday season, Lard Emporium will be open for extended hours of Mondays through Saturdays from 11:00am until 8:00pm, and Sundays from 10:00am until 10:15am.

 

Editor’s note: Lard Emporium should not be confused with the newly opened House of Tallow in the Summit Plaza. They are two different establishments.

 

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  1. Reblogged this on idiotprufs.

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