John Persinger, CEO of the Erie Downtown Development Corporation, announced today that the organization has acquired its biggest opportunity zone yet. Persinger revealed to Gooferie that the EDDC reached a deal with the Pennsylvania Bureau of State Parks to purchase Presque Isle.
“We have so many plans for this space,” Persinger said. First and foremost Persinger declared that a large area in the middle of the park will be cleared for an arena stadium to host the newly formed Flagship Curling Team. “Curling is the next big thing,” Persinger declared. “And this arena will seat thousands!”
He also stated that the peninsula’s two lighthouses will be demolished. “They’re eyesores with crumbling infrastructure. They have to come down.” The EDDC plans to put high rise beachfront residential condominiums in their place.
A plan to contain the park’s larger ponds was also revealed. “We’re keeping the water,” Persinger said. “But we’re adding an orca! The EDDC will have the world’s only freshwater orca tank built right into the existing ponds. Who doesn’t love orcas?”
The final stage of Presque Isle’s renovation will see the complete bulldozing of Gull Point in order to lay the foundation for Erie’s first all-season tapas bar. “I don’t think anybody really goes to that part of the peninsula anyway,” Persinger said. “But just to show we’re not completely heartless we are going to name the restaurant after the species we’ll be displacing. So next summer get ready for the grand opening of the Piping Plover Tapas Bar!”
gooferie 
You have got to be kidding me
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Never heard of such a Dumb idea in a pristine Nature Center unbelievable
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People will believe!
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Anything!
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Do… Do these folks not understand this is satire?
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Apparently not.
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This has to be the dumbest idea in the world stay downtown where you belong leave it alone
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I almost puked, but then my disbelief enticed me to look closer at the page. Gooferie! Thats a good one
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This has got to be the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard. Presque Isle should be protected for future generations. And who thought orcas in captivity would be a good idea?! Literally every Sea World has closed because it has been found to be harmful to the animals. I hope the mayor or governor stop this. I spend so much time of Presque isle in the summer and if they get rid of all the trees and make it into a theme park or hotels, where can we go to find nature? People from Pittsburgh come to Erie just for Presque isle. We are going to lose so many tourists because of this. How can we speak out against this??????
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Shannon wins the internet today
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I hope he has plans for parking garages there to block any views of the bay
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Boy you had me going!!! 🤣🤣🤣 good one!
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Its a very good idea,also no more swimming or fishing,getting tired of my drinking water smelling like urine,and those guys that fish chew tobacco and spit in the water,no more duck blinds and duck hunters,all they want is the duck blood for there soup,they should cut all the trees down so we can get a real count of deer population.
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Please tell me this is a joke!
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I would rather have it put into Presque Isle then into the Warner Theater because more people use Presque Isle good idea
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Stupid idea. It will no longer be my place to hide from the rest of the world. The natural beauty will be ruined with the man made infrastructure. Gods beauty will be destroyed.
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It’s SATIRE, people..The name of the publisher is GoofErie.
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I don’t know what’s more entertaining…the articles or the people in the comments who think these are real stories!
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