Erie School District to Arm Teachers with Lacrosse Sticks

Inspired by the Millcreek School District’s decision to issue miniature baseball bats to its teachers, the Erie School District is now providing lacrosse sticks to its teachers for classroom defense.

“We saw what Millcreek did, and we are taking it a step further,” said ESD spokesperson Kate Schellenbach. “Baseball bats are OK, but we feel lacrosse sticks will be far more confusing.”

An intensive six-week training course will start next week, as the teachers will learn the seven- step technique and the four different grips that will allow the stick holder to defuse the situation.

The plan comes after 500 lacrosse sticks were recently found in the basement of Strong Vincent Middle School during renovations. “Apparently back in the mid-60’s, there was a push to have lacrosse teams at all local high schools,” said Schellenbach. “Therefore, this won’t cost taxpayers anything, but teachers will be responsible for buying their own grip tape.”

ESD is also urging teachers to keep sharpened pencils at the ready, in the unlikely scenario that the lacrosse sticks aren’t effective.