Granada Apartments to be Duct Taped Back Together

Repair work will begin soon on the dilapidated Granada Apartments as a truckload of duct tape was delivered on Thursday. Project Manager Robert Harrison says “We figure 5,000 rolls of duct tape ought to do it. We’ll use regular strength on the walls, roofs, and floors, and heavy-duty strength on the balconies.”

The property was purchased at a Sheriff’s sale this past summer by Granada Apartment Holdings LLC, and the new owners say they will spare no expense getting the remaining buildings up to code. “We want prospective tenants to know that we are not going to cut corners by using an off-brand duct tape. It’s strictly name brand,” said Harrison.

“We estimate the work will take six months to complete,” said Harrison. “It will be quicker if we get on a roll. Get it? Roll? Because duct tape comes in rolls…” He then looked down at his feet and slowly walked away.