Bishop Reminds Catholic Women To “Know Their Place”

In a statement released by the Diocese of Erie today, Bishop Lawrence Persico has announced the distribution of hairshirts and chastity belts for local Catholic women. “Apart from the lady who cleans my residence and cooks my food I have never really had the experience of relating to women on a personal level. However, I do know that they are sinful creatures.” said Persico. “The Bible says as much.” He went on to say that he was deeply concerned that the female members of his diocese “are voicing their opinions too much. They are fornicating for pleasure and worse, they are using birth control. I think some of them even think they are equal to men in God’s eyes. We can’t allow that.” The Bishop has personally asked the Vatican to send him a few thousand cilices and chastity belts from their warehouse.  “They will be arriving in time for Sunday mass at St. Peter’s Cathedral” he said. “After communion I will personally distribute them to every good Catholic woman in our parish. And I will make sure that their husbands are given the keys to the belts.”

Comments

  1. godzarmy000 says:

    I have a skeleton key

    Like

  2. This sounds like dialogue that may have taken place hundreds of years ago. Is this guy for real? I don’t know anywhere where this is the mind-set of the Catholic faith.

    Like

  3. hertraveltherapy says:

    I wish this wasn’t so accurate. Organised religion seems so intent on controlling women’s bodies in the name of purity or sin or whatever bullshit and I’m pretty sick of it.

    Like

  4. Hilarious! And sadly too true. Some people wish we could go back to this kind of life. Looking forward to reading more from you.

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  5. WTF? What is wrong with him? Of course we are equal. It’s people like him who make people become less and less religious.

    Like

  6. Haha! Chastity belts 🙂 and ‘Fornicating for Pleasure’. I think relegion around the world has codified rules around fear, so that people listen to them and donate. If they see a steady stream of money coming anyway, they’d loosen up 🙂

    Like

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