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Supervisor Clears Up Millcreek Sign Confusion

MillcreekSigns

There has been some recent confusion over political sign ordinances in Millcreek Township. We contacted Supervisor John Groh to clarify what is and is not permitted during the next election term. “The two other supervisors and I held an emergency meeting about this issue.” said Groh. “Truthfully we really don’t have all that much to do anyway. The meeting went on for 24 straight hours and I believe we have come to a consensus.”  The new sign regulations are as follows: All signs must be rectangular. Triangles, circles and octagons are not permitted. True squares are allowed but discouraged as they distract from rectangular signs. All signs must be 18 inches high and two feet wide. Signs must be placed no less than 5 feet from the residence, 7 feet from the sidewalk and 10 feet from the road. Signs must be constructed from single wall corrugated cardboard only! Double and triple corrugated cardboard signs will be pulled out of the ground and stomped by any one of Millcreek’s three supervisors. Signs must be upright on neat well manicured lawns with no more than two inches of grass. Grass must be green and healthy. Dead or brown grass will result in instant sign confiscation. Sign lettering must be Sans Serif. Any political signs with Serif fonts will be doused with accellerant and burned onsite. The preferred color scheme for signs is red, white and blue. Garish colors such as purple, teal and neon pink are strictly forbidden. Burnt umber is an acceptable color for political signs but burnt sienna is taboo. Sign stakes must be made of untreated wood and dig no more than 6 inches into the ground. Dark wood and particle board are banned. Signs must be connected to the wooden stakes with galvanized staples only. Non galvanized staples will not be tolerated. All signs must be laminated. Non laminated signs will be destroyed by Millcreek Township bulldozers at the homeowner’s expense. “I will personally inspect each and every sign for lamination violations.” said Groh. “I hope there will be at least one because they said I could drive the bulldozer. Yay!”

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