Totally Fun Slide Shut Down Because Of A Few Stupid Kids

Last week Frontier Park announced the closing of their super cool giant slides. According to Brandon Gool, assistant Public Works Director, the rad slides are now indefinitely shut down “Because of a few bonehead kids. I mean these rugrats weren’t even sliding properly.”

Gool went on to say, “Apparently a 40-foot slide is considered too ‘giant’ for these little wussies.”

Rolling his eyes, Gool continued. “A small number of these puny overly coddled eejits have no clue how to navigate a tall metal slide. Unfortunately, they were born well after the closing of Funtown.”

According to Gool, the problem was compounded by “Inattentive parents who were too busy on their cellphones to properly supervise their young nimrods. These whiners threatened a lawsuit and here we are.”

“It’s such a waste.” he sighed. “Always a shame when a few dunces have to ruin the fun for everyone else. Because let’s face it. Those slides are totally awesome!”


  1. B Detzel 6969 says:

    What a pathetic piece of “journalism”


    • EriezElite says:

      SATIRE… GOOGLE IT. Pathetic show of “common sense”. I will say you are so astute in talking about journalism and not mentioning Director of a city office talking about the kids that way, clue #1


  2. Big Chungus says:

    This may be a satirical site, but this article is 100% accurate!


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