Merry Maids to Clean up Site of Erie Coke

After initial estimates came in at $7 million dollars, EPA officials have announced the cleanup of the Erie Coke site will now be done by Merry Maids, a national cleaning chain, for only $84.42.

“After we got the original estimate for the cleanup, we had to re-think how we want to do this” said EPA official David Schelzel. “We sent it out for bidding and Merry Maids can do it for us at a savings of $6,999,915.58.”

Jennifer Pierce, a spokesperson for Merry Maids, stated “All we need is our best maid and a Swiffer. I figure we have it all cleaned up in less than an hour. I mean how bad can it be? So someone spilled a Coke. Big deal. I’ll make sure they bring along some Wet Ones.”

 When requesting clarification that Merry Maids understood the extent of the cleanup, Pierce stated, “I didn’t really read the EPA bid proposal over very well, so I’m not sure if it was regular Coke or diet Coke, but either way, we’ll mop it up.”