St. Jude to Stop Answering Prayers in Erie Pennysaver

The Erie Diocese has announced that St. Jude, patron saint desperate causes, will no longer respond to prayers published in the local Pennysaver. “St. Jude deserves better than to have a prayer to him published in the Pennysaver,” said Diocese spokesman Stanley McCloskey. “If you really want your prayer answered, spend some money and put it in the Erie Times. Or even better, buy space in our bi-weekly FaithLife newspaper.”

In additional Diocese news, there will be two collections at masses this week. “The first one will be for the usual expenses” said the spokesman. “The second one will be for… something else. Just trust us.”