Kishka Stolen, Zabawa on Lockdown

kISZKAPOSTEROfficials at the Zabawa Polish festival are frantically searching for the kishka, which was presumed stolen earlier today. The missing link was described as “round and firm” as well as “fully packed.” It was last seen hanging on the rack.

Zabawa spokesperson Zbigniew Piędziesięciogroszówka said the kishka, which is a sausage made from a combination of meat and grain, disappeared shortly after the festival opened.  “We are currently on lockdown, and will leave no stone unturned, and no accordion case unchecked for the missing kishka,” said Piędziesięciogroszówka as he peered into a tuba with a flashlight.

“It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if they took the shinka, or the fine kielbasa, or even the pierogis, but I wish they would give back the kishka,” said Piędziesięciogroszówka.

UPDATE: In a late development, Piędziesięciogroszówka has just announced that Jasiu has found the kishka, and has brought it back.

Erie’s Sister Cities to Rescind Sibling Status


In a joint statement, Erie’s four sister cities have announced that they are ending their familial relationship with Erie, at least for the time being.
The four sister cities: Zibo, China; Lublin, Poland; Merida, Mexico; and Dungarvan, Ireland made the announcement after seeing recent stories coming out of Erie about job losses, drug overdoses, and crime.
“Every family has issues, but we feel that our sister Erie is not doing anything to help herself, and we can only do so much as we are so far away.” said Sheila MacColl, spokeswoman for the sister cities.
The four cities do want Erie to know that they still care for it, and are willing to accept Erie back into the family if it can improve its circumstances.

Mayor Tullio presents Proclamation to Commodore Perry

Perry and Lou!

Dateline September 21, 1818, Erie, Pennsylvania

The Hon. Louis Tullio, Mayor of our fair city, granted a proclamation to Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry, to honor him for his heroics in the Battle of Lake Erie five years previous. Commodore Perry was visiting the city from his home in Newport, Rhode Island.

The mayor, currently in his second term, also presented the Commodore with the key to the city and two drink tokens from the Dickson Tavern.

Not all in attendance were pleased with the Mayor’s action. A young man in a fedora named Mario Bagnoni chided the mayor, saying that he could do a better job as mayor and would be running against Tullio next election.

“Now I’m off to Central America and shall return to the United States in a short time,” said Perry, adding, “unless I get Yellow Fever down there, ha ha”; a remark that elicited hearty  chortles from the crowd.


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