UPMC Hamot announced today that they have purchased a giant bulldozer. Hamot spokesman Morris “Mo” Munney spoke to Gooferie about the hospital’s recent acquisition.
“This thing is HUGE!” he told us. “It’s an ACCO Superdozer – largest in the world. It was a nice chunk of change but President Durniok really wanted this thing. Of course the board unanimously approved.”
When asked about the funds to cover such an expensive piece of equipment, Munney said “Well, of course we never like to use the word profit around here since we are technically a non-profit. However we have quite a bit of ‘income over expenses’ to allocate to important things.”
We asked Mr. Munney what prompted the seemingly sudden decision to have an in – house bulldozer.”
“Well, it’s no secret that Gannon just got one.” he answered. “And while we don’t like to compete with them, we also enjoy razing long standing structures.” Munney added “And not to brag but our dozer is considerably larger than Gannon’s. Ours is 40 feet with 1,350 horses behind it!” He went on to say that “This Superdozer can demolish more buildings than Gannon’s little Komatsu; and more quickly. Now we won’t have to tear down these historic houses in the middle of the night anymore. These preservationists won’t even think about getting in the path of a 183 ton super machine!”
Gooferie asked Munney what impact the new bulldozer would have on patient care. “Oh yeah. Patient care. Everybody’s always asking me about patient care. I’m sure this all ties in somehow.”
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