Gannon University announced today that the purchase of a giant bulldozer has been approved. Assistant spokesman Gary Groatsin has confirmed this. “Yes indeed,” he told us. “By this time next month Gannon will be the owners of a brand-new Komatsu 575A.”
Groatsin said that the dozer is one of the largest in the world. “It’s 38 feet tall and weighs 153 tons.”
The bid for the bulldozer was placed after concerns that protesters would try to block the demolition of some historic downtown Erie buildings. “Some local folks are super attached to these old structures.” Groatsin told us. “They want to preserve history or something like that. We were afraid that they might try something crazy, but none of these guys could stop a bulldozer with 1150 horsepower.”
Groatsin also believes that a huge bulldozer might stop future protests before they even begin. “In fact, it might even allow us to flatten properties we don’t even own. I mean, who’s going to argue with a Komatsu?”
Groatsin told Gooferie that the first order of business after the bulldozer is delivered is to find a piece of downtown property to raze in order to build an appropriately sized garage to store the new piece of equipment. “Also, we need to create a massive patch of dirt so we can drive it around a bit. President Iwanenko is really itching to get behind the wheel of this thing!”
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