Towne Residents want Dickson Tavern Shut down as “Nuisance Bar”


Dateline May 24, 1817

Neighbours of the Dickson Tavern, located at 2nd and French street in Erie, have filed a complaint with the city stating that the drinking establishment has become a nuisance.

Neighbor Jebediah Pike is leading the charge. “The loud fife music and general rowdiness has befouled the area for too long.  ‘Tis an affront to one’s ears.”

James Smith, who lives on the outskirts of town, two blocks away, stated “Ye cannot get to sleep at a decent hour, for the hearing of musket fire after an all-night ale bender will surely sully your slumber.”

Thaddeus Boatwright IV, who lives next door to the Dickson Tavern, states, “Not an evening goes by without at least one incident of drunken fisticuffs. I myself have found wooden teeth on my lawn during my morning travels to the outhouse.”

Several women in the neighbourhood were asked for their comment on the tavern, but were forbidden by their husbands to speak.

Scott Enterprises to Build Hotel on site of Riverside Inn


In a surprise announcement, Nick Scott has revealed that Scott Enterprises plans to build a Hampton Inn on the site of the iconic Riverside Inn, which was recently destroyed by fire.

“In this business, it’s all about the opportunity,” said Scott. “As I was watching the footage of the disaster, I had a tear in one eye, and a dollar sign in the other.”

Scott says he intends to hire everyone who was employed at the Riverside, and will pay them not at all close to what they made at the Riverside.

“I’m even thinking of putting a second Splash Lagoon in French Creek,” added Scott.

Construction will begin as soon as the last of the ten memorial services are complete.

Smith’s Unveils New Product

SMITHSSmith’s Provisions, longtime purveyor of meat products for the Erie area, has announced that it is adding organic tofu to their list of products available for purchase.
The tofu made its debut at the new Erie County Farms last week, prompting long time Smith’s customer Neil Osbourne to declare, “What the hell is THAT?” as he loaded his cart with hot dogs and walked away from the tofu display at great speed.
Emily Haines, another loyal Smith’s buyer, remarked, “I’ll bet if you put enough Greek sauce on it, it might be OK.”
Smith’s spokesman Frank Hamm stated that they have already sold almost one package of the bean curd, and are expecting sales to double in the coming weeks.

UPDATE : Smith’s Organic Tofu has been discontinued due to lack of sales.

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