Mayor Sinnott Petitions City Council to Keep His Office Chair After Term Expires


With the end of his term as mayor drawing to a close in less than 12 months, Mayor Joe Sinnott is petitioning City Council to keep his chair that has comfortably supported him behind his mahogany desk in the fifth floor of City Hall for nearly 12 years.

“People who have criticized me for not doing enough to address the issues our city faces have never sat in this chair,” said the mayor, referring to the all-leather Armstrong Model GC-908 Executive Chair. “I promise that anyone who sits in it will be way too comfortable to actually get out of it and do something proactive for the community.”

Sinnott is already reminiscing about the great times he has spent with his chair. “One of my favorite things to do is roll on over to the window and see all the police cars speeding over to the east side. I keep hearing about some crime issues over there, or something.”

Sinnott says he also hopes to keep his karaoke machine, but will let the new mayor use it as long as they promise not to sing any Nickelback songs.

Erie Air Traffic Controllers to be Replaced by Guy with Binoculars


The Erie Regional Airport Authority has reached a compromise with the FAA to keep air traffic control in local hands, after a plan was announced to take away all Erie-based air traffic controllers and move operations to Buffalo.

The authority has announced the hiring of “Ted”, who will be stationed on the tarmac and will visually track planes landing and departing.  Ted will be equipped with a pair of binoculars and a walkie-talkie. Addressing concerns that a pair of binoculars will not be sufficient to see the planes, Ted replied “I have also been issued a step-stool, which will assist in identifying planes at higher altitudes.”

When asked if passenger safety will be compromised, an official with the authority who chose to remain anonymous responded, “Oh, yes.”

The authority is still unsure of what the procedure will be when Ted is on vacation.

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