Millcreek Community Hospital to Sponsor Gridley Park Portable Toilet


With the recent announcements of UPMC Hamot sponsoring the Erie Seawolves ballpark and Highmark Saint Vincent sponsoring the Liberty Park amphitheater, Millcreek Community Hospital has decided to get in the game by buying the naming rights for the port-a-potty at Gridley Park.

“We’ve seen what Hamot and Saint Vincent have done and want to let Erieites know that we are technically a hospital, too”, said spokesperson Ross Sewitch. “That’s why we are proud to announce that this port-a-potty will now proudly be known as the Millcreek Community Hospital Relief Center.”

The ribbon cutting ceremony was delayed when Mr. Sewitch forgot to bring the ribbon, so a roll toilet paper was used instead.

“I hope people think of our facility every time they use this facility.” said Sewitch.

Errant Cannon Fire from Niagara Deflates World’s Largest Rubber Duck


Tragedy struck at Erie’s Tall Ships Festival this morning when a cannon from the Niagara misfired and shot a cannonball into the world’s largest rubber duck, deflating it within minutes.

Witnesses say the giant duck was floating about 30 yards from the Niagara when the shot was fired. “It’s a shame,” said festival patron Ernie, no last name given. “I’m awfully fond of that rubber ducky.”

Repairs are already underway as workers have gathered over 100 rolls of duck tape to patch up the hole.

The owners of the duck, Big Duck LLC, plan on sending the bill to the Niagara League. They will also submit an invoice for damages.

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