Study: East Side Still Technically Part of Erie


Local officials are reacting to the results of a recent study that indicates that the area east of State Street to Bird Drive is legally considered part of the City of Erie.

“We had the city solicitor and a panel of lawyers look at the city’s charter and, unfortunately, the east side is part of Erie,” according to Mayor Joe Sinnott.

“It’s been a long time coming,” said lifelong East side resident Albert Smith as he kicked an empty shell casing to the curb. “Maybe the mayor will even cross State Street and visit. We do have some good sub shops over here.”

When told of the sub shops, the mayor said, “Hmm, I just might roll my office chair over there someday – during daylight, of course.”

Shots Fired Pretty Much Everywhere


Erie police are again up to their ankles in shell casings as they continue to investigate multiple shots fired calls in the city. “It’s like the Wild West out there,” said a police spokesman, “Except the guns are much more accurate, and there’s no horses.”  

Mayor Joe Sinnott is urging caution for city residents. “I’m on my way to get measured for a bullet proof vest to wear under my motorcycle riding vest,” said the mayor. “They don’t have my size in stock.” He then wistfully looked at his desk calendar that had the date January 2, 2018 circled, with a note stating “Term is over – get the hell out of Erie.”

Officials are also looking into adding some additional coroners for what they expect to be a busy summer season.  When asked for comment, Coroner Lyell Cook responded in such a deep voice that no one could understand what he said.


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