Erie Wastewater Turning Blue; Ice Cream to Blame

Northeast Ohio Regional Sewer District

Engineers at the Wastewater Treatment Plant on Erie’s bayfront were puzzled when they noticed that the wastewater coming in for treatment has had a blue hue for the past few months. “We commissioned a study to see what was causing it,” said Chief Engineer John Fay. “We thought the increased use of blue toilet bowl cleaners was to blame, but turns out that’s not the case.” The study revealed the culprit to be increased consumption of Blue Moon ice cream, a summer staple in Erie. “Sure enough, it started around Memorial Day and eased up by Labor Day. Now we’ll know what to expect next year.” Fay also noticed a slight increase in the blue color when local stores have a sale on Boo-Berry cereal.

City Hall Haunted by Mario Bagnoni’s Hat

floating fedora

Artist’s rendition of ghostly hat.

City Hall employees are on edge as sightings of a floating fedora have been reported at various places in City Hall. The first incident occurred in council chambers, where city employee Gregory MacDonald noticed a hat suspended a few feet above the center chair of the dais. “It just hovered above the chair for a few seconds before disappearing,” said MacDonald. Another sighting was made on the fifth floor by Kevin Shields. “The hat kept trying to enter the mayor’s office, but couldn’t” said Shields. “I actually felt a sense of frustration coming from the hat. It seemed like it really wanted to get in.” Frightened employees on the fifth floor also report seeing empty tubes of Mayor Tullio’s Brylcreem.


Rocket 101 plays “Rocky Mountain Way” for 50,000th time


Radio station Rocket 101 (WRKT) reached a milestone today by playing Joe Walsh’s “Rocky Mountain Way” for the 50,000th time since going on the air in 1989. “We play it four or five times a day, so it adds up over 26 years” said station spokesman Chris Murphy.  “It’s even better when we pair it with a George Thorogood song.”  Not to be outdone, Z102 (WQHZ) has announced that they are trimming their playlist to 50 songs. “Folks in Erie seem to like hearing the same songs over and over, so we need to give them what they want” said weekend DJ Wes LaChot. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go put on “Rocky Mountain Way.”

Google Earth Finally Adds Corry


Google Earth has announced that Corry, Pennsylvania has been added to extensive program that covers the whole globe. “We never knew it existed” said Google spokesman Martin Chambers. “Once we found out about it, it was just a matter of getting our map car over there. We asked for volunteers to go to Corry, but no one signed up initially. When we finally did convince someone to go, we wanted to make sure there was no chance of snow, so we waited until late August.” Corry residents are already making plans to see their town on Google Earth, just as soon as they find a friend or family member who has an Internet connection.

Circle K Employee Misses Being Robbed


The Circle K market at 26th and Cherry hasn’t been robbed in nearly five weeks – and clerk Gerald Love is not happy about it. “The only time this job is interesting is when I’m being robbed” said Love. “I get to be on the news, and meet some nice cops.” Love’s manager, Donita Sparks, doesn’t quite understand his enthusiasm, but appreciates it nonetheless. “He volunteers for the late night shift all the time. He has a good way with robbers; he makes them feel at ease” said Sparks. As for Love, he will continue to wait behind the counter for the next incident. “I think it’s going to be soon; we’ve never gone more than six weeks without a robbery” said Love, as he spied a suspicious vehicle pulling into the parking lot.

Perry Square Fountain Closed Due to Elevated E. Coli Levels

psquareCity officials have closed the fountain in Perry Square due to elevated levels of E. Coli that were found during daily testing. “We’re looking at possible causes” said city parks spokesman Jay Ferguson.  “It could be the storm last night that churned up the water.” Other possible causes include pigeons, unleashed dogs, and that weird guy that sleeps on a nearby bench. Ferguson warns that people wanting to wade in the fountain should wear three layers of footwear. The fountain will reopen when levels reach the “Barely Acceptable” range.

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